what to do...

sittin here....
again the the burden of thought. the weight on my shoulders. looking down upon the view of the steel desert calling to consume, or maybe to make ones adrenaline rush or just to make everyone sick. the impulse to flap the wings and fly away is strong. the freedom calls, the breeze whispers calling again. even here there are voices calling. wont there be peace??????


decide again so once again it will be scrutinised and result in the banging of head into a wall in regret that shouldn't be. as always Theres none to help, none to guide.
fall freely and rise could solve the problem but that could be the only chance. some say thats stupid, some say its the best way to be. again a fork in the path. another chance to look back and mourn the past, the present that could be.

From my past relations I have learned…

From my past relations I have learned…


All people say u shouldn’t give away every part of yourself to the person u consider your love,
Because they fear the person will hurt them, harm them, cause injury that won’t heal easily. They believe by keeping their one part to themselves hidden away they are doing shielding themselves from impairment of their heart, but they dot realize the price of the protection.

Most people tell me that they learned from their relations that they shouldn’t give themselves to the person they ”LOVE” cos that makes u prone to damage from the person. They feel that if someone knew them inside out they would exploit the knowledge (which they will by human nature law section control sub-section exploitation). But I say the key here is to open your eyes and see beyond the love, beyond the care and memories and see the real person he/she is, their true nature, the way they really are. Not the person they become when they come into your proximity. Then justify if the person you are trusting is worthy of the elemental part of u, the one you don’t want any one around.

Yeah that might sound a little 2 far-fetched to find someone capable of such trust, but it’s a big world out there u just have to open your eyes and mind and forge through the crowds. And sometimes things have a tendency to land up in places where u least expect them.


Coming to the part about what I have learned is that when u really want something, or in this case really want things to workout you have to give it ur best shot, everything u got, only then you will really know your limits are. And still u fail you should not be disappointed at the failure but be proud to have recognized your own boundaries. The quest for happiness from there on will seem a lot easier than it ever seemed because u now know everything and leave nothing for fate, luck or chance. It will be like arming yourself to the teeth wit weapons you have mastered, you will be able to use them in combat to the max of their limits.

A NEW DAY HAS COME

Every single day is a new day… every night is an end and day break a new beginning.

The past is a puzzle,
Like a broken mirror,
As you try to put pieces together,
Your image keeps shifting,
You cut yourself and still you never see the real picture.
-Max Payne


I am done wining on the past, dwelling on the gone years, days and hours, its gone and nothing I do is gonna recast what has happened. No matter I how much time I spend thinking, reanalyzing the alternative ways things could have turned out nothing ever happens, the past is still the same, the present is still unaltered, the future still unascertained.

The past just goes on, flowing away like a river, unstoppable. It keeps flowing unchanged by the hurdles it encounters; it just keeps its flow, over the stones or around them, stopping for none and no one. One way or the other it just keeps flowing, and flowing, and flowing, and flowing, and flowing…

Now every day is a new day, a new beginning. Another chance to put our act together and accomplish those things we don’t want to do but have to be done to achieve the greater goals we wish to accomplish, the things we really want.

Every night is an end to give way for a new beginning. 5 min to learn the new lessens the ones we learn every day. If Ur not learning anything Ur not working hard enough.

office fun...

heres how to have some fun at ur usuall boring office...



Everybody hates Mondays – now more than ever.
n Slap a Post-it note on a coworker’s computer while he’s gone with “Pay fixer.” “Buy cocaine,” or “itch cream.” (+1)
n Wrench off the W, K, E and Q keys from a co-worker’s keyboard. Glue the enter key down. (+1)

n Go in to a coworker’s Auto Correct function in Microsoft Word and change minor words like “the” and “and” to “sucknuts” and “vomit” (+5)

n Put a large bottle of Isabgol in the fridge, with an angry note that says “DON’T TOUCH – THIS MEANS YOU” and sign it with coworker’s initial. (+2)
n Anytime anyone asks where someone is, even if they’re in the seminar room or using the bathroom, respond, “I don’t know. He went to lunch, like, three hours ago.”(+2)



tuesday
Nobody expects professional Armageddon on a Tuesday.
n If a coworker is late, joke that he must have been “drinking till morning”. (+1)
n E-mail a member of your team regarding a missed deadline, or some other small error and cc his manager. (+2)

n Start a fight with a coworker over e-mail and then delete your responses. Send a shocked reply and cc your boss. (+5)

n During a meeting, undermine your peer by cutting him off with, “Wow, I had that same idea!” (+2)
n Blow by a coworker’s desk and shout, “Stop digging your nose.” (+3)

n Start a blog with a coworkers name for URL. “Expose” corruption in the office. (+5)

n Send an e-mail to HR from your coworker’s computer mouthing off your boss. (+4)
n Start a rumour around the water cooler about a coworker on any of the following topics: “So-and-so is divorcing.” “So-and-so is in trouble with the Income Tax.”(+5)



wednesday
Hump Day... only now you’ll actually be screwing someone over.
n During meetings, laugh extra hard at a coworker’s mediocre joke. When asked later tell people you felt sorry for her because she’s just out of rehab. (+1)
n Publicly ask a coworker, over and over throughout the day, if he’s “feeling OK.” (+1)

n Replace one of your coworker’s family desk photos with grainy but clear
pictures of fat Sri Lankans. (+5)

n Over the course of the day, slowly soak the carpet under your coworker’s chair with country liquor, preferably feni. (+2)
n Canvass the office for contributions to some charity and tell people that a certain colleague was too stingy to give any. (+3)

n Log into your e-mail remotely from home, late at night, and send some
meaningless work to coworkers – cc everyone, including the new VP. (+5)

n Leave a fake CV with a coworker’s name in the fax machine. Make sure a prior job on the resume is “RestObar, Kamatipuram.” (+2)
n Dump hundreds of MP3s on a coworkers server file, slowing the network. IT will have to go searching for the offender. (+5)
n Steal all the staplers and stash them around someone else’s desk. (+1)


thursday
The week is ending, so is someone’s reputation.
n Ask a manager if he’s seen a coworker. When the manager asks why, respond, “No reason. Nothing’s the matter. Why would anything be the matter?” (+1)
n Compliment the following useless talents: collating ability, colour copying, numerous smoke breaks, and persistent breaks to the restroom. (+1)

n Randomly ask a colleague, “Did you hear what (coworker’s name) said to that intern?” When the colleague responds, “No,” shake your head in horror. (+2)

n Tell a coworker, “So-and-so thinks you’re cute.” Tension builds as the coworker can’t figure out why the person doesn’t flirt back. (+2)
n Tell another colleague that “So-and-so”
fancies his wife. Better still if ‘so-and-so’ is another woman. Watch him tear his hair out. (+2)




friday
TGIF – someone wins, everybody else eats it.
n Ignore Official Rules #5. (+5)
n Tell a coworker that a certain other coworker was in the restroom snorting either a powdered tablet or ... (+1)
n Pass the buck in public to an unsuspecting coworker by completing your request with the phrase, “There is no ‘I’ in the team.” If he makes even a tiny error, yell at him for half an hour. (+2)
n Anytime a coworker shows a photo of their husband/wife or boyfriend/girlfriend, remark on how happy you are they “finally found a way to work it out.” (+5)

n Bribe three random co-workers to stare at the new recruit and snigger every time he walks past. Also to point and laugh every time he bends down. Throw rupee coins on the floor so he bends over. (+3)
n Fake a fire drill and when everyone’s out, switch off their monitors and pull out the plugs from behind the hard drive. (+1)

THE THINGS I WANT...

Damn I am still alive! *Sigh* another day. The protraction…

The purpose of my life…

I am still finding the answer to the question that may not exist (maybe it shouldn’t exist*), but since its come up I decided to challenge myself to a riddle.

-What I want:


I want, want itself…
I want everything, but in a circle.
I want myself to deserve the things I want and get.

I don’t want $1,000,000,000,000
I don’t want to live for a 100 years,
I don’t want a palace for a home,
I don’t want to be treated like a prince.

I just want to be happy, free, and probably what I refer to as NORMAL.



(*shouldent exist: any body who asks the Q, his head should explode and reassemble and then explode again.)

find the solution

solutions dont come easy. the best way is 2 sit down and see what the problem really is. if u get a firm grip on the problem it will itself cough out the solution.sometimes the only problem is that we are confused and dont want 2 make the choices life throughs at us.

I HATE YOU!!!

I HATE U FOR EVERYTHING U DID,
DID TO ME,
DID TO YOURSELF,

FOR THE THINGS U WERE SUPPOSE TO DO BUT DINT,


THE SOUND OF YOUR VOICE NOW PEALS MY INSIDE,
THE LOOK OF U MAKES ME CURL IN DISGUST.

AND YOUR THE ONLY ONE WHOSE 2 BE BLAMED...

ITS ALL YOUR FAULT...

YA U!!!

WELL I GUESS IT WAS MY FAULT
THAT I EVEN EXPECTED ANYTHIN FROM U......

u wont know until u try...

Eg1:
I tried a flavor, I really liked it and I thought that was the best. I dint even bother ever properly trying out any other flavor. Just b’cos every one else said what I tried was the best among them all, I was content. Until that fate full day I decided 2 try something else.

I LOVED IT!!!

Only then did I realize that what my first conception was that what I liked because I never knew the rest was like, until I tried the other.


Eg2:
There was once a very big corn caravan. It was well known to house every verity of corn, of every size and shape, all for the same price. But it had some conditions for its customers.

If u pick one corn u have 2 leave the caravan, u cannot turn around 2 reconsider ur decision.

The first person who entered the caravan went through a handful of corn and he found one that he thought was quiet big so he picked that and left the caravan. On exiting the caravan he was really happy that he had picked a quiet decent sized corn.

He stuck around to see what the others from his town had got. After a while he realized that the one he picked was among the smallest in the caravan. He narrated what had happened 2 him 2 his friend. On hearing this the friend decided 2 try his luck.

He entered the store and went through every corn properly. When he thought he had got the biggest one he remembered his friend (A) and thought that there might be a bigger one ahead, so he ditched the one he picked and moved ahed. He kept doing the same over and over again until he finally had 2 leave the caravan empty handed.

Moral:
Don’t be the first person (A) who stuck 2 his first choice which he realized wasent the best for him, but also don’t be the friend who was so selfish that he remained empty handed.



The same applies 2 every thing in life.


Ur first choice will always seem 2 you as it was the best. It you keep it like that and say that’s the best, without actually trying the other thing u wont realize what ur missing out or on the contrary what’s special about your choice.

If u keep thinking that the first thing u like is best you are going u get u might be wrong. And also don’t expect that better choices will keep coming ur way. Some where down the line where u really feel satisfied and content, where u couldent ask for more,
That’s where u have 2 stop and stand firm.

Commitments a life not a prison …

Commitments a freedom, not a prison,
One that’s lets u frees u, not that’s holds u down,
Someone who will understand u, not put u in shackles,

I commit 2 be understood, 2 understand,
2 be felt, 2 be alive,
2 trust and be trusted.

Don’t bind me with ur words.
Make me understand what u understand,


I wond tie u down with myself, I wont deprive u of ur life, I want 2 share my pain and also joy,
not be the cause of ur misery.





If ur meaning of commitments different from the one here,
Call it rather a PRISON or HELL, picked by personal choice.
May u live happily ever after.

Don’t regret the decisions u made, because u made them…

Don’t regret the decisions u made, because u made them…



Why do I regret doing sonethin I did, why do I regret saying what I said, why do I curse myself for making a choice.. why?? Why now?? Why did I not do what I wanted to when it could be done and hade to be ??? why now am I regretting now that which had to be done has been done and maybe nothing will change that now…



Well I faintly remember that what I did was done because then I had made a choice, I did think twice before it was done,
What was done was done with me in my senses, with my willingness and free will. I shouldn’t regret that which was done by me because then I thought it was the right thing… how can I call myself wrong when I know it maybe really is not…

If your work speaks for itself,
Dont intrrupt.

-Henry Kaiser



All you need in this life is
IGNORANCE and CONFIDENCE,
and then success is sure.

- Mark TWain

Damn this life sucks…

But im enjoying it anyway.

How the freaking hell ru doing that?? If that’s the question ur going 2 ask keep looking I might just flip over and do a trick…

Ha ha … Im funny.. I think. And I don’t care if u think so or not cos im laughing now and ur not. Im really funny…. And im really laughing now. Im happy.
Not content
but still not in depression people around me seem 2 be in.

I changed my mind

“I CHANGED MY MIND.”

I am not fickle minded, my minds not unstable, I CAN make firm decisions,

But once 2 often iv said, “I changed my mind”
No b’cos I cannot make my decisions well, but because I can accept im wrong, I can say “sorry, I was wrong” like the most of us I don’t make excuses 2 cover up my mistakes,
I don’t make excuses to avoid being potrayed wrong (read u fucking jack ass u scrued it up),
I don’t point mistakes in the right to disguise my wrong as the right,

I admit it -----“I WAS WRONG, & I AM SORRY”-----

I really am, but I am not fickle ,

I prefer going through the facts again and reconsider rather than be stubborn and hold on to my first choice.

I hate u for not being like me, for not being a good listener when I explain my choices, or for the matter of fact your choices also, for not convincing me why u do what u do. I hate you…



“I WAS WRONG [not always], I AM SORRY [always if it makes u happy], I HATE YOU [you know when]”

*cough*

i was humming a song, and i choked on the air,
coughed and weezed,
it seemed funny so i laughed, really hard,
and choked on it too...

*cough* *cough* *cough*

LADIES AND MENTAL-MEN

Just been dumped on your ass? Join the club...I think I'm finally done with women. No... I'm not turning gay, I just don't see the point in a relationship any more. Casual sex is all good, but I've been burnt too many times by too many women to even bother about chasing skirts. The thing is, I like being by myself. If I need someone to talk to, I have cartloads of friends to listen to my whining. Seriously people, sex is an activity that is highly over-rated. And I'm not saying that because I'm not getting any. Almost all the women I know nowadays are only really interested in how fat your wallet is. But then we live in changing times and that's the way the cookie seems to be crumbling. Or they're too goddamn dumb to understand the words that are coming outta my mouth.I've always been the typical slavering lunatic when it comes to pretty girls and like all those of my ilk, Now, I'm just sick of the mind games, wasting money, time, patience, attention and energy on people who really don't seem to notice any of that. Chicks today, like chicks before them, all want the moon and the stars. Just that today, chicks want it NOW, and they want a bigger moon with lots of f****** bright stars. More than one girl has tried to come between me and Mary Jane Una and usually that's when the relationship starts going downhill. I'm not a addict. I don't like being told how to run my life. I'm completely aware pot makes me lazy, absent-minded and will probably give me an enlarged prostate when I'm 50. But right now, I don't give a flying f***.

LIFE AND TIMES...

I am what I am,
What I must be,
Not wt u want me 2 be,
But that which I am...

I live lost in the wonders of the free mind, powered by the sounds of expressive music. Crazy as it may sound life’s just an illusion, like a room full of crooked mirrors, moving and changing with every move u make, every decision u take, life is serious. In the most careless of ways. I drift through the nonsense of the world overflowed with thought and expression, exploding every instant to a proportion never imagined before. Wars are waged, battles are won, lives are lost and the dead celebrate their escapism from the physical forms inconsiderate of the aftermath of their doing and undoing. To catastrophic words and thoughts spoken the world breaks apart swallowing me whole, and its hunger remains...

>><><<

TIME TRAVELLER!!

i was thinking if time travell was possible would we able 2 change things???i have a theoy that if we could tie travell we would probablly be able to go into the past only and in gasious form which cant be touchedhed or felt... i think so because ifwe could alter the past it would impact the present and wt happend would not happen and we wouldent be travelling 2 the past 2 change the thing we changed which lead 2 the change of the present hence we wouldent travel to the past.. (phew!)OR- itcould be possible that wt we do now is what has been done by our future self and we are just repeting it all over again.... simplly going round in circles... in this case if we change the past we would be simply doing wt will eventually lead 2 us doing wt we r doing...

I wish for…???

I stood there thinking wt I it was that I really wanted.. and the answer was surprisingly simple…NOTHING!!!

Going 2 the house of god, dragged along by the parents I go in with a mind to admire the ancient structure. Hand crafted beauties standing un harmed by man, beast or nature through the ages, it stood there a unique symbol of eternity…

Now I was in the procession (pooja) people have been going through for over thousands of years to pleas the mighty on looker, fancying that if successful their wishes will be granted. I thought I have nothing 2 lose nd everything 2 gain… so when my turn came the pundit said “ask the lord for what u want and he will grant u your wish, but don’t go over the possibility line.” My mind started 2 tick at a speed I dint know could be achieved by anyone or anything, thinking wt I really wanted…

First came the thought of money, lots and lots of it, with which all my other docile wants would be satisfied, but wts the limit on it? It wouldn’t be enough even if I had all of it…

The came the thought of happily ever after… but life became that easy I wouldn’t know wt it was really about, ultimately it would men nothing 2 me… I let it pass

A long life… in this wretched, cruel world??

Thinking harder things flashed in really fast and flashed out faster but I couldn’t decide wt was 2 be done of this wish I had been granted…

Without a word I left…

Once back in my free space and plenty of time 2 think thin things over I thought hard, wasn’t there anything that I really want?? How would I know its importance unless I knew wt I was without it. If every one got roses without going through the thorns then wt would be the use of the rose if every one had it, we would be back 2 square one…..


I realised that there was nothing I wanted as I wish, whatever I wanted would be fulfilled as results of my own actions….

I’m alone, like always im distracted for no reason. My mine is going numb of all the stillness, my worlds a still picture with clocks ticking away faster than most rpm meters im the world. As my exams approach I get the same gut feeling ppl usually call over-confidence, where u feel u know everything there is 2 know but the thought is as true as saying the sun rises in the west… I feel the loneliness bite… really really hard but then the thought of ppl comes 2 my mind, those some who r irritating, getting on ur nerves or those around whom u don’t feel comfortable, or even those who have let u down always, then I ask myself do I really want them around just 2 make living all the more difficult than it already seems 2 be, making it more pointless than it already is…. The answers flood in like a stampede of wild jungle animals
Yes u need them, they let u feel alive,
No u don’t need then ur happier alone, u and yourself, the perfect pair.
Maybe someone who will understand u the way u want 2 be understood, naaaa such a person doesn’t exists in this world,
Well u need ppl around…. For what???
Will lots of money solve this problem… yes definitely,
Or maybe not? NO it will keep u company but of a different sort one that will be proportional 2 the money u spend
Then again ur friends are the one who are the ppl close 2 u, with them u can share ur thoughts and feelings, ur grief and happiness…

I’m in a confused state of mind maybe I just should take in whatever dosage it comes in wtever form it comes, as long as it keeps comin………